Sometimes it feels like healing or being healed will never come. Sometimes it feels like two steps forward and one step back. Somedays I’m convinced I’ve healed my gut issues only to be followed by a day of stomach pain and acid reflux. So what gives? What does “healed” or “healing” look like?
I remember 3 years ago when one day of feeling well was monumental. Fast forward and now, 3 years later, one day of feeling unwell is more out of the ordinary. Some where along the journey, the scales tipped and I started having more good days than bad days. That’s when I knew I was on my way to recovery.
Count the good! Remember this tip when you have a set back or a flare. Try to recall how many good days you’ve just had. Set your sights on getting back to that place of balance and feeling good. Remember, that this too shall pass. Slowly, I would start to see less time in flare and more time feeling great!
Less reliance on supplements. As I started to heal, I would feel less chained to supplementation for support. If I forgot or intentionally skipped certain supplements, I used it as a test to measure progress. Slowly, I was able to ween off of many supplements. Of course, I know they are there for me if symptoms return.
More joy! I was MISERABLE when I was at rock bottom. My mind was preoccupied 24/7 with symptoms, fears, outcomes, and general anxiety. I noticed as I started healing, that I had more capacity for joy in my life. I enjoyed reading to and singing with my daughter again as I regained my voice and throat inflammation receded. I enjoyed little moments and conversations where I was fully present and not just going through the motions.
Exercise. For at least a year, I couldn’t do more than just gentle walking here and there. I was scared every time I attempted activity. I would think, “okay, I’m ready to workout.” I’d go to the gym, only to be met with intense heartburn, a cough, or histamine induced hives. I’d come home defeated. How could something so “good” for me perpetuate my illness? Then at some point on my road to wellness, I realized I could exercise and it was “okay.” I found myself in downward dog one day…no hearburn…no choking. So, I tried a little more, a little more, and a little more. Soon I was practicing yoga regularly, lifting weights and doing Pilates. Of course, I have rules I need to follow like exercising on an empty stomach and there are certain activities I avoid such as high impact jumping or running, but I found activities that work for me and I am more fit today and in a way that aligns with my body.
No Fear – A future in sight. All of a sudden I became less preoccupied with this impending sense of doom that my body was sick and headed toward expiration. I know it may seem dramatic, but when you spend years sick, tired and unwell, it’s hard to envision a future at all. Once you turn the corner, planning for the future doesn’t depress you, but rather invigorates and motivates you. That was a huge sign for me that I was on my way to wellness. When I can think of my daughter growing up and being excited rather than sad that I won’t be here to experience it with her.
Take it one day at a time. One day, you’ll find that sweet spot, that moment when the scales have tipped toward wellness and are less weighted by illness. So when I take a step backwards, when I’m in a flare up, I sit with it. I stay with it and remember that these set backs are not what defines me anymore. They keep me in check ~ keep me on my path toward wellness, but don’t derail me anymore. For with hard work, commitment and intention, you can also get on the right side of healing.